Yup, now it is time to focus on my thoughts. I overthink everything so I guess this could be the topic of this section. The way it fucks with me is that when the train starts it does not stop I try not to focus on things that have no importance to me, but every little thing worries me that is just the way me is. So most of the time I think WHO IS ME well Hopefully there is an answer to that soon meanwhile the train will keep going full speed without and no friction to slow it down. Wait I forgot to mention I am studying engineering so yeah even an addict can do something with themselves now that is a challenge. The only thing that calms my thoughts down is putting on a documentary, that is a lullaby that never fails to make me fall asleep. Trying to block out thoughts that make me sick to my stomach is difficult fucking reel keeps me awake at night on repeat 365 days without an intermission. Sometimes I want to get the fuck out and go elsewhere so my family stops suffering for my state of being. Shit if I could make it go away that would be wicked, personally I would not put up with shit like me so I have mad respect for my loved ones. I cannot live feeling sorry for myself and hopefully you do not have an assumption that I want pity fuck that shit. You see what I mean? Basically this is the shit that I think about all day long and the list goes on and on, but hey one day at a time. Karma is a bitch, trust me I am paying for my bullshit I thought I was smart I am just plain fucking stupid. Sorry for my language it is just the way I currently feel like expressing myself I understand if you want to stop reading so if you got this far thanks, and if you keep on going by all means probably will make you think what the fuck is wrong with this dude? The answer to that is why are you still reading this loooooser.

I will talk about something random now to finish this page because I ran out of ideas to finish this section of my thoughts. I still do not know how it is not butter…the world may never know, but I do. The answer to that dilemma is who the fuck cares I am hungry and I need butter or whatever it is okay I am done with the page I am going to stop because the pain is kicking in fml brb in a bit or a while who knows.